A Beautiful Moment with a Hidden Reality
There are few moments as powerful and emotional as holding your baby for the first time. You’ve gone through labor—maybe hours of it. Your body has just done the most incredible thing it will probably ever do. You’re overwhelmed, tired, and in awe. And then someone says, “Okay, it’s time to latch your baby.”
What?
I remember freezing. That moment caught me off guard, and I quickly realized: this part—breastfeeding-was—wasn’t going to be as intuitive or effortless as I thought. And honestly? No one prepared me for how emotional, challenging, and empowering that first latch would be.
So let’s talk about it. Not the romanticized version, but the real story. This is for every mom out there who has wondered why the most “natural” thing in the world doesn’t always feel natural at first.
The Fantasy vs. The Reality
Before giving birth, most of us are surrounded by imagery: peaceful mothers smiling down at their newborns, babies suckling perfectly, soft music playing in the background (well, in our heads at least). We’re told that breastfeeding is natural, instinctive, and effortless.
But here’s the truth: breastfeeding is natural, but it’s also a learned skill. Both mom and baby are new at this. You’re learning about each other’s rhythms, body language, and cues. That initial latch is often clumsy, sometimes painful, and frequently frustrating.
I thought my baby would just know what to do. Instead, we struggled. I didn’t know how to hold her correctly; she kept slipping off, and the nurse had to step in more than once.
What Happens During the First Latch
Here’s a breakdown of what’s supposed to happen:
- Skin-to-skin contact: As soon as possible after birth, the baby is placed on your chest. This triggers instinctive behaviors known as the “breast crawl.”
- Rooting reflex: Your baby turns toward your breast and opens their mouth.
- Latching on: With a wide-open mouth, baby takes in not just the nipple but a large portion of the areola. A good latch is key to successful breastfeeding.
Sou bnds simple, right?
But what if your baby is sleepy or crying too much to focus? What if you’re sore, uncomfortable, or overwhelmed? What if no one shows you how to position your hand or your breast, or how to tell if the latch is right?
What most guides won’t tell you is how deeply personal and emotionally charged this moment can be. It’s not just physical—it’s mental. It’s hormonal. It’s you trying to bond while also wondering if you’re doing it right.
Pain, Frustration, and the Silent Guilt
Pain during the first few latches is common, but it shouldn’t be unbearable. Sharp, shooting pain is often a sign of a poor latch, tongue tie, or positioning issues. Cracked nipples? Nipple trauma? These are not rites of passage.
But here’s what complicates things: we often feel guilty when breastfeeding doesn’t work right away. I’ve heard moms say:
- “Everyone else seems to get it. Why is this so hard for me?”
- “Maybe I’m just not cut out for this.”
- “I didn’t expect to feel this kind of pain.”
Let me tell you: those thoughts are common, and they are valid. You are not broken. You are not failing. Breastfeeding is a journey, and like any journey, the first step can be shaky.
The Things They Should Have Told Me
If I could go back and prepare myself, here’s what I wish someone had told me:
- Have a lactation consultant on speed dial. They can help you correct latching techniques, offer tips on positions, and reassure you that you’re not alone.
- There are multiple ways to hold your baby. Cradle hold, football hold, side-lying. Try them all until something clicks.
- Breastfeeding may not be immediate. It can take days or even weeks to find your groove.
- Cluster feeding is real. Babies will nurse every hour sometimes, and it’s exhausting but normal.
- Don’t ignore pain. If it hurts, get help. Early intervention can prevent long-term issues.
When It Works — And When It Doesn’t
Here’s another truth: not every breastfeeding journey ends in exclusive breastfeeding. And that’s okay.
Some moms pump. Some mix feed. Some switch to formula for their mental health. The important thing is that you feel supported, informed, and empowered in your decisions.
If breastfeeding becomes a source of anxiety, pain, or resentment, it’s okay to step back. It doesn’t mean you love your baby any less.
The Turning Point
For me, it took about two weeks to feel somewhat confident. I worked with a lactation consultant. I watched countless videos. I cried during late-night feeds. And then, slowly, it got easier.
That latch that once felt foreign became second nature. My baby’s cues became more familiar. My body adjusted. And yes, eventually, I even began to enjoy the experience.
I wish I could say there was a single moment of breakthrough, but it wasn’t like that. It was a gradual unfolding—a rhythm we discovered together.
Encouragement for the New Mom
So, to the mama reading this, here’s my message to you:
- It’s okay if the first latch didn’t go smoothly.
- It’s okay if you cried.
- It’s okay if you needed help or still need help.
You’re not weak. You’re not doing it wrong. You’re a mother, and you’re learning something new.
Let’s normalize the struggle. Let’s share our stories. Let’s support each other with real, unfiltered truth.
Breastfeeding may be natural, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. And if it’s hard for you, you are not alone.
Conclusion: There Is No One Way
That first latch? It might be magical. It might be messy. It might be both.
But it’s yours.
Every mother’s experience is different, and each journey is valid. Whether you nurse for a day, a month, or a year, what matters is the love, care, and intention behind it.
And if you’re struggling, reach out. Talk to someone. There is help. There is support. And a whole community of women has been there and is cheering you on.
You’ve got this, mama.
Need support? Book a consultation with The Breastfeeding Doc today and get personalized help for latching issues, supply concerns, or just to have someone in your corner.
Let’s make breastfeeding work for you.